


Gabriel's Prayer

by iamkathastrophe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Chuck isn't listening, Dead Gabriel, Feels, Prayer, Regret, post s5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamkathastrophe/pseuds/iamkathastrophe
Summary: Gabriel is dead, but not gone. His consciousness remains active, put away into an endless void. Gabriel decides to use this time to send one last prayer to his father.





	Gabriel's Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> So there's a... a thing I wrote. I'm not even sure what this is. I just thought that Gabriel isn't appreciated enough as a character, so have this angst. Enjoy!

Uh…

            Hi, Dad. It’s me. It’s Gabriel. You still remember me? I wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t – ‘s been some time since I left home. Few millennials must be long even for you, eh? That’d explain why you never searched for me, or asked anyone, or answered my prayers. Any of ‘em. Have you just forgotten about me, Dad? I… I wouldn’t be angry if you did, y’know. You’ve always paid so much attention to everything and everyone, and then Luce fell and… Maybe I just wasn’t important enough for you to notice? I’m not bitter. I’m just tryin’ to find an explanation. I just wanted a word from you. Just a sign you’re still outta there.

            Dad, I’m sorry. Truly, I am. I know I shouldn’t have left. Not in a time like that, not at all. I’m an  _ archangel _ , I was supposed to be in charge of the things upstairs. I know I disappointed you, disappointed everyone. But, Dad, please try to understand. At least once. I couldn’t bare looking at what was happening up there. I couldn't just sit back and watch Luce turn against Mike and I couldn’t pick a side either. Sure, Mike is an asshole and Luce is a bag of dicks, but I  _ love them both _ . They’re my  _ brothers. _ What was I supposed to do in that situation? I’m  _ sorry,  _ Dad. I never wanted to leave, not  _ really _ . I know the archangels are supposed to be strong and vicious and unbreakable, but seeing Luce rebel broke me. If you were surprised, Dad, then I was shook. Luce has always taken such a good care of me, always was such a good bro. And seeing what he's become? Let alone he was the one who killed me… 

            ‘Cause I'm dead now. Aren't I, Dad? That's why I'm here? This is the Void, the place you created where your children go when they die? It's not very comfy, y’know, being disembodied in an endless nothing… I'm joking, I'm just joking. ‘Tis the only thing I'm good at. And, then again, you’ve probably never expected us to actually die, huh? But if you didn’t, why make angel blades? Seriously, sometimes you make no sense, Dad.

            Since I guess I have an eternity to be salty, Imma be for a bit. ‘Cause you know I regret what I've done and I feel guilty for that. You're God, of course you know that. And if we have that established, I wanna use my eternity here to tell you all that’s been going on with me since I left. I know it’s not like you care, but, hey, I have nothing else to do.

            I was helping humans at first, y’know. Just as you wanted us to. Or maybe not so much. You wanted us to be their shepherds, right? To peek at ‘em from the upstairs, help a tiny bit here and there, listen to their prayers? Yeah, that’s what I was doing. In the beginning. Eh, I dunno if it’s my fault or you just made me like this, but I couldn’t keep a distance from ‘em. Not a healthy one, that for sure.

            They’re… fascinating. So different from us. Guess that’s the point, huh? They’re your  _ best creation _ . Even though they’re flawed. You love ‘em so much it broke Luce’s heart, y’know. But that ain’t your fault, he acted like a spoiled kid. But nevermind. The point I’m tryin’ to make is that I wasn’t exactly shepherd for humans. Not all of ‘em, not always. You must know I was worshipped as Loki for some time? Or you don’t. Probably not. Well, I was. And that was awesome.

            But that’s not I’m about, not that worshipping. I loved a few humans too much. Just a little bit too much for my own good. And that never ended up well. It couldn’t. I was terrified the first time. It was new. It was  _ new _ to me, Dad. To  _ me,  _ and we both know I ain’t exactly young. And it wasn’t exactly better any other time, ‘cause I knew what to expect. Nice fifty years, at best. Then…

            Knowing it ain’t gonna be pretty didn’t stop me, though. Not that I had control over it. But it happened over and over again since I left Heaven. Thirteen… no, fourteen times. And it hurts like a bitch, still.

            That’s one of the main problems, Dad. Everyone always said that we, angels, ain’t supposed to feel like this. We ain’t supposed to get close to humans, to fall in love with ‘em and sure as hell not want some goddamn peace with them. But if not, why can we. Huh, Dad? Why  _ can  _ we feel, why are we _ able to _ , if ‘tis something you didn't’ want? Sorry not sorry, but that’s just fucked up. 

            Although… after seeing what’s happened to Earth and Heaven, heck, to everything, after Cassie grew a bit too fond of the Winchesters, I can see my brothers’ hesitation. Oh, yeah, Cassie. Quite a character, ain’t he? I  _ always _ knew he’s special. Even at the beginning of time, when he was a chubby little angel. I mean, you can’t exactly call an angel chubby, can you? But you know what I mean, Dad. Cassie was so cute, I couldn’t help liking him the best. Don’t you tell me I can’t have my favourite, you always liked Luce best! 

            Cassie  _ did _ cause a lotta troubles, but, hey, he thought he was doin’ good. And he was. He chose the right side. Human side. Him and those Winchesters…

            Dad. I have a question. Could you… uh, could you bring me back? I know, I know, ‘tis not something you’re exactly  _ supposed _ to do, but… I mean, you brought Cassie back so many times, you brought the Winchesters back so many times, you even brought their drunk father-figure back so why not me? Why wouldn’t you bring  _ me _ back?

            Please?

            Well, nothin’ is happenin’, so I guess you ain’t gonna. So I’m really  _ that  _ unimportant, huh? Or maybe you just don’t wanna. Or can’t. 

            But… Dad, if you can’t bring me back, could you at least deliver a message from me? I might’ve run away, but, come on. I did enough for ya to deserve it! So could you…

            Eh, could you tell Cassie that I’m proud of him? And say sorry – I shouldda be a better brother than I was. He deserved better and I just left him. Fuckin’ up is my trademark, huh? And also… that’s just stupid. I’m pathetic, I know. But could you,  _ please,  _ tell Sam Winchester that I miss him? I liked him. More than I should. Again.

            That’s it, Dad. That’s all I wanted to tell you. You… you probably ain’t listening, are ya? You probably don’t even remember me. Sure, why would ya remember Gabriel, The-One-Archangel-Who-Ran-Away-From-Home? Guess that ain’t important anyway. I just wanted to tell ya, no matter if you listenin’ or not. ‘Tis the whole point of prayin’ – sayin’ things you’d usually leave unspoken. 

            So, yeah.

            Thanks, Dad. 


End file.
